The True Meaning of Love in a Relationship

A relationship is composed of many things:  friendship, sexual attraction, intellectual compatibility, and, of course, love.  Love is the glue that keeps a relationship strong and solid.  But how do you know if you are truly in love?  Here are some signs that the emotion you are feeling is healthy, life-enhancing love.

1. Love is not lust

Despite the phrase “it was love at first sight”, love is not something we feel right away.  That strong feeling of attraction, like a magnet pulling you towards that person you’ve just met?  That’s infatuation and sexual chemistry. Mother nature gives us a big dose of infatuation in order to get us together initially.  Love does include sexual chemistry but it differs because it is an emotion that takes time to build.  Lust can appear in an instant; love evolves over a period of time as you get to know the other person inside and out.

2. A relationship without love is not really a fully-faceted relationship

You may be immensely sexually-attracted to your partner but that does not mean you love your partner.  If you haven’t developed a base of loving feelings with your partner, once the sexual spark dies down, you will become bored.  

3. Love, like fine wine, takes time to bloom

A loving relationship is not built in a day.  The threads of love take time to weave together to form a strong bond.  It is only as you and your partner share your thoughts, fears, dreams and hopes that love takes root.  So trust the process and don’t rush love.  It has its own timetable that needs to be respected and not hurried.

4. Is there only one true love?

We talk about “soul mates” but humans are built with the capacity to love over and over again.  Thankfully so, or we would never recover from our high school crush, or losing a partner to divorce or death.  

5. Love is generous

In a truly loving relationship, we give to the other without an expectation of return.  We don’t keep an account of who did what for the other.  Giving pleasure to our partner gives us pleasure, too.

6. We feel what our partner feels

When we see our partner happy, we feel a sense of joy as well.  When we see that they are sad or depressed, we feel their blue mood, too.  With love comes empathy for the other person’s emotional state.

7. Love means compromise

When we love someone, we are willing to compromise in order to accommodate their needs or desires.  But we don’t sacrifice our own self in doing this, nor should the other person require us to sacrifice our own self for their personal gain.  That’s not love; that’s control and abuse.

8. Respect and kindness

When we love, we act respectfully and kindly towards each other.  We do not intentionally hurt or denigrate our partner.  When we talk about them in their absence, it is with such warmth that the listeners can hear the love in our words. We do not criticize our partner behind their backs.

9. We act with ethics and morals

Our love for the other person enables us to act morally and ethically, both with them and in our community.  Their presence in our life makes us want to be a better person so that they will continue to admire us.

10. We are guardians of each other’s solitude

With love, we never feel lonely, even when alone.  The very thought of the other person makes us feel as if we have a guardian angel with us at all times.

11. Their wins are sources of happiness for us, not jealousy

When our partner succeeds at something after a long effort, we beam with joy as if we were the winner, too.  There is no feeling of jealousy or competition, just pure pleasure at seeing our beloved’s success.

12. They are always on our mind

Even when separated for work, travel, or other commitments, our thoughts drift towards them and what they might be doing “right now.”

13. Sexual intimacy deepens

With love, sex becomes sacred.  Different from the early days, our lovemaking now is deep and holy, a true joining of bodies and minds.

14. We feel safe

The presence of love in the relationship allows us to feel protected and safe as if the other person is a safe harbor for us to come home to.  With them, we feel a sense of security and stability.

15. We feel seen and heard

Our partner sees us for who we are and still loves us.  We can show all our sides, positive and negative, and receive their love unconditionally.  They know who we are at our core.  Love allows us to bare our souls and feel grace in return.

16. Love allows us to fight without fear

Secure in our love relationship, we know we can argue and that it will not break us apart.  We agree to disagree and we don’t hold grudges for too long because we don’t like to hold bad feelings towards our partner.

For Rich Sugar Mummy

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20 Things To Make A Relationship Last

Are you and the crush of your dreams in the beginning stages of a new relationship? Are you worried that you aren’t sure how to make this relationship last? In this day and age, there are a lot of factors inside and outside of a relationship that can influence its outcome.  If you want to learn some tips on how you can help your relationship last, keep reading!

1. Burn your blueprint and script.

What this means is simply do not try to “plan” your relationship.  If you try to do this, the chances that something is not going to go like you wanted to is pretty high, and that could end what could have been a pretty fulfilling relationship.  Some of the best relationships are built on being spontaneous and passionate, and if you try to plan out how it’s going to work, it usually will not.

2. Forgive.

Everybody makes mistakes. This is a cold hard fact of life.  If you truly care about the person you are in a relationship with, you have to learn to forgive them for their mistakes.  Holding grudges toward one another is very toxic in a relationship, and is definitely not something you want to do if you want your relationship to last.

3. Be a good teammate.

Being in a relationship is a two-person job.  If you want your relationship to last, you cannot expect your partner to do all of the work.  This includes general housework (if you live together) to actually being the only one to contribute to the relationship physically and emotionally.  It’s a two-way street, and if it’s only running one way, its not going to last.

4. Grow together.

It is very important to grow as a couple.  That is how you find out if that person is the one for you.  You grow as a couple by spending time just talking and bonding with each other.  If you can’t grow or learn to grow in your relationship, it will not last.

5. Adapt.

You obviously can not expect to have the all of the same ideas and beliefs as the person you are in a relationship with, so it is important to adapt if you want your relationship to last.  If you care about your boyfriend/girlfriend, this step should come pretty easily. Your partner’s little quirks or even religious beliefs may seem like a deal breaker, but if you have the ability to adapt, then your relationship has the amazing ability to go the distance.

6. Develop your own interests.

When in a relationship, it is important to develop your own interests.  You and your partner don’t have to express interest in all of the same things as each other; that would make things really boring, wouldn’t it?  This way, you guys will have more things to talk about and even more new things to try in your relationship.

7. Don’t keep score.

Relationships are not a game, so there is no reason to try to keep score.  This means, if you do something nice for your partner, or do something to help out, you don’t have to announce it to them just to get brownie points.  The same goes for if they make a mistake, or make you mad, you shouldn’t feel the need to hold it against them just to make yourself look better. This is probably one of the top reasons why relationships don’t last.  Nobody likes to feel like a loser in a relationship.

8. Practice self-awareness.

When you are in a relationship, you usually try to do whatever you can to make the other person happy, right?  Well, how are you supposed to make someone else happy, unless you know what makes YOU happy?  Practicing self awareness is a good way to know what makes you happy, and what makes you click so you can be the partner your significant other deserves.

9. Cultivate your finer qualities.

Work on the qualities that make you a better person.  It can be easy to do this in a relationship, because there are always opportunities to practice those qualities, like loyalty, compassion, and trust.

10. Encourage each other.

I’m sure you don’t want to ever feel held back from doing certain things, or trying new things just because you are in a relationship, and neither does your partner.  Make sure you encourage your significant other to achieve any goals.

11. Offer solutions, not criticism.

If there is a problem that arises in your relationship with your partner, and they come to you for advice, offer advice that tries to help them actually solve the problem, and that doesn’t criticize them for what they have done, or what the situation is.

12. Compliment each other.

This one is pretty self-explanatory.  Complimenting your partner is such a simple way to show how much you really care about one another.  If you don’t do it, it could be easy for them to question what they really mean to you, or what you really think of them.

13. Respect space and time.

Spending time with your partner is always a good thing to help your relationship grow, but giving each other some space every now and then is another important factor in making a relationship last.  It gives yourselves time to grow as a person (self-awareness) as well as giving you that time to miss each other a little bit.

14. Remember to say “thank you.”

This is one of those golden rules mom always taught you.  These two simple words can mean a lot to someone. Saying “thank you” is such a simple way to make someone feel as if they are appreciated.  Ask yourself this question: would you stay in a relationship if you felt unappreciated?

15. Admit that you are wrong.

We have all been in the situation where as much as you don’t want to admit it, you are wrong in some sort of disagreement.  Sometimes you should just swallow that pride of yours, and admit that you were wrong.  If your partner really cares, they will remember step 2, and forgive you.

16. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind.

If you need to talk about something with your partner, don’t hesitate to say what you need to say. If you are one to beat around the bush and hope that they will pick up on what you are trying to say, you can be lost in translation, which will usually end not in your favor.

17. Be romantic.

Surprise her with flowers.  Plan him a special night under the stars.  Do anything to show how much you really care about each other.  As redundant as this may sound, its a really important step in any relationship.

18. Respect his or her friends.

This is another big one.  If you are not a big fan of his/her friends, you are better off keeping that your little secret.  You don’t have to like them, but for the sake of your relationship, you should at the very least respect them.

19. Be affectionate.

Any girl I have ever met would agree that this is an extremely important factor in any relationship. Whether it is holding her hand, playing with his hair, or giving hugs and kisses, this is pretty much a no-brainer when it comes to making that girl or guy in your life happy.

20. Mind your manners.

Another one of mom’s golden rules, you should always remember to mind your manners when you are with your partner.  You don’t want to gross them out by letting out big burps without saying excuse me, and for some people, that could very well be a deal breaker.

There is always a lot of work involved in maintaining a relationship with someone, but if you always remember how much they mean to you, it will not seem like work.  You can ask anyone who has been in a relationship for a long period of time—they wouldn’t trade it all for anything.

17 Step of How to Make Love, Relationship and Marriage work and last

1. Wait 5-10 minutes before deciding if the argument will be worth it.

“Wait 5-10 minutes before deciding if you really give a shit about whatever it is you’re about to argue over. Chances are, you only thought you gave a shit.”

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2. Try not to spend every second of every day together.

“Try not to spend every second of every day together. Make sure you both have some alone time. You’ll value the time you do have together more. You can’t miss someone if they’re never gone.”

3.“Talk.

GODDAMMIT, TALK.

If something is pissing you off, or you’d like something done differently, or whatever—talk about it rationally, and find a solution. If you don’t, you’ll mention it in a fight or whatever and then it won’t come out rationally. Similarly, if your partner does the same to you be receptive and try to find a solution.

Not everything about a relationship is perfect. Talking about problems or potential problems is not an admission of failure.”

4. Treat your S/O as equals in every way.

“Treat your S/O as equals in every way. Make ‘quality time’ to be together, just the two of you. Do things that make both of you happy, rather than to drift apart by overly indulging in activities that only one person likes but the other endures.”

5. Give without the intention to get.

“Give without intention to get—the other day I did all of my chores and my wife’s weekly chores and bought her favorite dessert. Did it kill an afternoon? Sure. Has she been in an awesome mood ever since (1 week later). You betcha. I had no idea nor did I really care if she would reciprocate or want sex or whatnot but she is just an overall much happier person right now.

Take time to listen and understand—sitting down and letting her vent if she’s in a bad mood. She will probably say something like, you probably don’t even care. That’s when you reinforce that you truly do care. It’s like with your boss almost, you may not care about a topic that they talk about, but it’s important to them, and therefore important to you.

Cuddle—sometimes just because, without intention of anything else happening. Just a nice rub of the shoulders and holding each other tightly. Its showing love rather than just saying.

Compliment—take the time to compliment BEFORE prompted. Hey babe that dress really looks nice on you, as she’s getting ready. I really like how you did that eye liner thing last time we went out, as she is doing her makeup. Show her how much you appreciate the effort that she puts in.

Ask for opinions—this kind of goes along with listening. Many time guys get gung ho and start just doing shit. Take the time, especially if it’s a two-person project to get her opinion. Start with something like ‘I think we should do x. What do you think?’ Instead of ‘This is how we are going to/this is how it should be done.’”

6. Remember to fight the problem, not each other.

“It’s not you versus her in anything. It’s the both of you against the problem. To men who tend to look for solutions in all things, miscommunication can be the problem. Sometimes you shouldn’t go into problem solving mode if that itself creates problems between you. She may just want someone to vent to, to commiserate with, or to take her side. If you’ve had a miscommunication it’s not you’re right and she’s wrong or vice versa, both your perspectives are valid and you need to figure out how the both of you can work together to prevent that in the future.

Go to bed angry, wake up and talk it out. There’s some bad advice out there about never going to bed angry, when tempers are worn thin and you’re both tired on top of that you’re both more likely to say things which can’t be taken back. Just don’t invite that into your life. Learn how to get a little space when you need it, for both of you, rather than trying to force a conversation you may both regret. But likewise too, you can’t let problems fester: talk about it, calmly, within 24 hours.

The 80/20 rules.

You should feel like you’re doing 80% of the work, because she’ll feel the same. You’re aware of everything you’re doing for her, even the behind the scenes stuff she doesn’t realize. Likewise the other way around.

On 80% of the things she does that annoy you, just learn to live with it. No one is the fantasy in your head. If you don’t learn to live with a real woman, faults and all, you’ll learn to live alone. That 20% though, that’s what you earn by accepting the 80, some compromises have to be made to live together so if it really bothers you that much then she’ll have to learn to work with you.”

7. Never take them for granted.

“Don’t take your partner for granted. Make sure to tell them that you love them, that you appreciate them, that you’re attracted to them—hell, if your partner cooks dinner, even if it’s the 10,000th dinner you’ve had, be gracious and say ‘thank you for making dinner, it was delicious.’”

—ibkeepr

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8. Just be there and stop trying to solve their problems.

“So much of what women want is just being there.

She doesn’t want your help picking out her outfit, or solving a dispute with her bitchy co-workers. Just sit there and listen while providing enough commentary to show you are paying some attention.

Yes, it’s boring and pointless to us, but stop trying to solve their problems for them and life will become much simpler.”

9. Don’t try to offer solutions to every problem they come to you with.

“Don’t try to offer solutions to every problem she comes to you with. Sometimes she’s just venting to you. Odds are she’s intelligent enough to fix the issue and already knows the answer, but she just wants to complain a little and get it off her chest.”

—Link-to-the-Pastiche

10. Pick your battles.

“Pick your battles. Arguing isn’t really worth it, it’s just going to ruin the relationship. If you argue over petty stuff, you’re going to lose her.

Be there for her. That doesn’t mean solve all of her problems. Let her rant to you about what she has to rant about. Chances are, she just needs to get it out of her system.

Don’t act like she’s dependent. She’s independent. She’s her own person. She can solve her problems and get work done on her own. Let her know you’re willing to help, but if she wants to do it herself, LET HER. If a woman has her mind set on something, she’s going to do it.

You don’t own her. I can’t tell you how many times I hear people getting mad at their SO for going somewhere without asking, wearing shorts, or hanging out with friends. It’s stupid to get mad at her for living her life.

Communicate. If she has been hanging around a guy friend and it has you concerned, fucking talk to her about it. You have to be open about communication though. If you try to tell her that she can’t do something, she’s damn well going to do it. If you talk to her about it, she’s more inclined to compromise. Fucking communicate.

Compliment her. Don’t go ‘you’re the most beautiful girl in the world and I love every single feature about you and….’ that’s creepy. Just a simple ‘You look great today’ or ‘I like how you did your hair today.’ Is enough to brighten her day a bit.”

—A7XfoREVer15

11. Learn how to argue constructively.

“Married for 13 years. The early bliss of a relationship doesn’t necessarily go away, it just gets clouded by all the other BS of life that we need to deal with, at some point. Better have some good talks and understanding about life goals, kids, money, careers, families, etc. Learn good communication if you don’t have it, and learn how to argue. Everyone will at some point, but doing it badly can make a relationship that much more difficult. Don’t forget about the little things that can make a person’s day. I’ll never get tired of making her laugh or doing something spontaneous, or just getting away for a weekend here and there. Both of you will make mistakes at some point, don’t point out their flaws without acknowledging yours. Lastly, be honest. Good or bad, things go a lot smoother with them when you’re honest with them, and yourself.”

—mexipimpin

12. Take a deep breath and let go.

“Detach. Take a deep breath and let go. Remember that this situation/argument is not the definitive moment.

The moment I learnt to detach myself from those kind of situations where you’re not always agreeing, it was a huge, positive shift. A month in to me actively trying to detach and get less intense, I actually had one of those ‘moments’, where we were just chilling and she mentioned—’Hey, you’ve been different recently. Good different’.

It took me to stop for us to realize how desensitized we’d become to just having arguments. I’d recommend it, life is a lot better without wasting your energy on harmful conversations with the people you love.”

—ZoomJet

13. Have a bar of chocolate hidden somewhere.

“Have a bar of chocolate hidden somewhere. That way when she’s stressed or annoyed or just generally having a shit day you can pull it out and give it to her. She’ll be glad for it, and you look considerate.”

—Nambot

Stand up for yourself when you actually disagree about something.

“Stand up for yourself when she tries to get you to agree to things you actually disagree with. I know, I know ‘But…but…I want to avoid conflict.’

Being open and honest about how you feel at all times will lead to WAAAAAY more stability later on. This does NOT mean answer truthfully to her ‘Does this make me look fat?’ type questions at all times. Nonono. That’s a trap. I mean on actual big decisions and things where she has to twist your arm into doing it. Be honest. Tell her how you feel about it. She may bitch and complain a bit, but two years from that moment she won’t be able to say ‘REMEMBER THAT OBSCURE MOMENT FROM TWO YEARS AGO?!?!’

And on the more sensitive side, get in the habit of letting her/him vent to you. Tell them that you love them more than once a month. And pretend you like their friends unless they have actually shitty friends.”

—Ori15n

15. Learn how to spend time apart.

“Biggest thing I had to learn was how to say to each other ‘I love you, you’re a good person, you’re not doing anything wrong, I’m not mad…but you’re driving me insane right now. I need you to go away for an hour.’

Once you learn to not that take personally and, conversely, learn how to say that to your SO, your life gets exponentially better.”

16. Don’t be disgusting. Keep things tidy and clean.

“What’s worked for me:

Listen with intent every time she speaks.

You can’t take it personally when something out of your control affects her. So many dudes want to fix every little thing, and that’s not always possible.

Support her interests and ambitions, even if that’s as simple as letting her do things without interruptions or jealousy.

Don’t be disgusting. Keep things tidy and clean.

Help when and where you can, even if that means paying an expert.

Don’t be afraid of being emotionally vulnerable around her. Caveat: this is only effective if she truly cares about you; if she’s a cunt, it can be used against you.

Inside jokes have a long shelf-life.”

—pugs_fugly_moe

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17. Know when to be quiet.

“Knowing when to shut the fuck up.

When she tells you her problems do not tell her how to fix them.

Do not worry about being ‘right.’”

—ManBearPigTrump